I received a query from a freelance writer:
"Why do we seem to attach more weight to the negative things people say about us? Why do we remember insults more readily than compliments? I'm writing a story and interested in the psychology and neuroscience behind this phenomenon."
My response:
I am a Certified Natural Health Practitioner with a Hypnotherapy for Health
practice.
I believe that we hear and hold onto "negative" and critical messages as
part of our instincts for survival. From a survival point of view "Watch
out for that boulder ahead!" is a more important message to hear than "Look
at that beautiful boulder ahead!". Likewise we pay attention and remember
insults because these may contain important signals about our value and
like-ability in our community. We humans survive because of cooperation,
not competition! So when someone criticizes us we hear it loud and clear in
case we need to adjust our behaviour to stay included, or to defend our
value in the community.
The problem with this aspect of the survival instinct is that when we
repeat these "negative" messages, we may be training ourselves to fulfill
them! In the very least, our body strives to fulfiil visualizations and
repeated messages because it experiences the messages as instructions! In
hypnotherapy, we use post hypnotic suggestions which are affirmations that
we use when we are in highly relaxed, high-learning (hypnotic) states. So
instead of "Ted says I'm getting fat, and I feel terrible" (and the
survival response to that I suggest is "Ted is unkind and I don't want to
get close to him.") we might create the PHS Affirmation: "I nourish my body
when I am hungry, and I feel strong and beautiful". or "I surround myself
with trustworthy people who value me, and I feel loved and supported."
If you'd like to contact me about hypnotherapy,
I am available at 647 827 6968
and by email at Tracey AT AnarresHealth DOT ca .